Monday, 23 March 2009, 17:50 | Category : Marriage, Parenting
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Since my belief in God is nonexistant, I’ve created another belief system for myself.  I believe in the Universe, but not a universal power.  I believe everything in the Universe is connected by energy, atoms or whatever.  I believe this connection is what makes everything run including us.  I believe we can tap into this energy by being selfish.  Not selfish in the way that hurts others, but selfish in the way that helps ourselves and others.  Essentially, praying.  My best friend thinks I’m agnostic but I’ve always considered myself athiest.  I don’t believe in a higher power.  The Universe is not a higher power, it is everything, it is us.  It is not outside of us.

So, I do my own form of praying.  I talk to the Universe (or meditate if you so wish) and ask the Universe for what I want.  I have to say that I have not been let down when I am being true to myself.  When I am wish-washy, the Universe doesn’t know what to give me.  This part of Life, I have down pat, I understand.  The part I don’t understand is the happiness part.  When all is right with my world and I feel happy and I have things going the way I want them, something unwarrented or unwanted happens to dissipate my happiness.  It almost seems as if I am being punished for being happy.  So the question is, is happiness harder to come by the closer we get to it?  Is that a lesson for stay the goal?  Studies say to fake it till you make it, but is making it for that fleeting moment the goal or a continual state of bliss?

I find that I am at my happiest when I am pursuing those things that matter to me most.  When I say pursueing, I mean pursuing with every fiber in my being.  In some cases it is merely a positive action forward.  In the case of our son, we merely said yes, this is what we want to happen.  In the case of my personal legacy, what will I leave him?

~Life as Mom


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